I’m sorry. I know when we met, we never expected to be where we were, much less where we are now. I guess the fact that we no longer talk mirrors how we were before we met, but still. I know I hurt you, and I know you were the last person to deserve that. We bickered, but you really are a beautiful person, and I hope you see that in yourself. And I hope you find someone who can see that in you. I swear I did, but … things just weren’t right for us.
I know you’ve forgiven me, but I can’t say I’ve really forgiven myself. I’m open with it now, and I know it’s become a big part of who I am and the way that I think and act, but it still eats at me sometimes. I can’t believe I did that to you. We don’t talk any more, and I don’t know that we’d get along if we met as the people we are now, but.. you never did anything to deserve that. Your new guy’s treating you right, and I’m very happy for that. I had a lot of growing up to do when we were together, and I really wish I could have done that without hurting you so badly along the way.
You. Most of the time, I wish I’d never met you. My mom always hated you, and I don’t blame her. I don’t know what I saw in you, and I really can’t believe that I gave her up for you. I want you to know that you were never worth it, but I’m a bigger person than that. I’m not going to go out of my way to tell you these things, and I’m not going to pretend it was all your fault, because it wasn’t. I was the one who let it happen, and it kills me to know I did. If there’s one thing that I can’t let go, it’s that I wasted so much time on you, and that I treated her like shit because of you.
Saying that we aren’t as close as we used to be would be an understatement. We haven’t talked in months, and we haven’t been close in something like two years, I think. I miss the person that you used to be, before you started caring so much what everyone thinks. Before you decided you have something to prove. Before you became what you said you’d never be. I let you into my home and my family, and yet, I heard that you were calling me “two-faced,” and “selfish.” I really hope that it wasn’t true, because you know damn well that isn’t who I am.
I miss you. I’m going to shoot you an email soon and see if I can get back in touch, because I really miss talking to you. You’re fucking brilliant, and I considered you a close friend. I’m really not sure when or why we stopped talking, but I regret it now, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to find you again. It seems so pointless to have known you for something like eight years, only to have our friendship just.. fade out.
And you! You’re pretty much the only one who actually might read this. I’m sorry you’re going through so much right now, and I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later. But I hope it helps to know that you’re pretty much my very best friend, and I love you. I love you so much. I’ve known you longer than literally anyone else in my life (barring family, of course), and even though we have stints where we don’t talk at all, every time we get back in touch, we fall right back into the swing of things. Stay strong. <3
Dude, you mean more to me than you know. You got me into tricking, and you’ve been something like a mentor to me for a while now. Your friends mean the world to you, and it shows. We really need to hang out more than we do, but your work schedule sucks, and I’ve been bad about staying in touch recently. I’m sorry things were screwy with you too, but it looks like they’re starting to get better for you, and that makes me happy. Your girl seems nice, though I’ve only met her that one time. I want you to teach me to swordfight. And I miss going over and just.. hanging out. Practicing kicks in your kitchen and talking until 3 AM. I know I sound all weepy and nostalgic like you’re gone or something, but I’ve lost so many friends lately that I’m scared we’re going to stop talking or something. I need to harass you once you get back from Megacon, I think.
Jolly Green Ginger. I just dropped you off, like.. two hours ago, but whatever. You get included too. You have your moments where you annoy the piss out of me, but you’ve been a good friend from the start. You’ve helped me through a lot, and even though I want to punch you sometimes (and have, on occasion), I love you. You’re one of the few people I know that I can hang out with without having to worry about what we’re going to do or where we’re going to go or anything like that. We usually just walk around and talk or hang out and watch YouTube videos or TV or whatever. And sometimes I need that. So, thank you.
I can’t think of anyone else, and I’ve been saving you for last, so here goes. You make me insanely happy. Like… I know I’ve been mopey and depressed-ish lately, but.. I want you to know that. You’re perfect for me, despite our .. differing tastes in music, and our disagreements over certain things, and our constant teasing and arguing and I SWEAR we’re a better couple than I’m making it sound like. When I’m with you, everything seems right. And I’ve never met a girl who seems so .. made for me. Every day, I know with more and more certainty that I made the right decision in being with you, and every day, I’m grateful to Melissa for introducing us. You’re worth the world to me, and I wouldn’t give you up for anything - even WITH your mom’s constant bullshit. But seriously. Never go anywhere, because I kinda plan on spending a lot more time with you. Cool? Awesome.
